Bayanihan;
the Immortal Filipino Hero
The
extended definition essay “Bayanihan; The Immortal Filipino Hero”
to begin with, has accomplished the first criteria of a good extended
definition essay. It had all the three basic parts; the introduction,
the body and the conclusion. For the introduction, the essay started
with a question, which for me the way he used it is not much of an
attention grabber. He basically posed a simple question asking what
bayanihan is. The hook for me is not that strong enough for him to
keep the readers going. Nevertheless, the introduction was fine. He
first gave the historical definition of the word “Bayanihan” and
then he tried to give his own definition to it, which I think is good
because he went beyond the traditional meaning of the word. He also
provided a brief history and background of the word, which I think is
good because we can see from that point how bayanihan evolved and
changed from the time that it was only about lifting houses for
neighbors in the barrio to supporting our national team athletes
today. Following the introduction was the body in which he presented
examples of bayanihan in our modern times through our support towards
our own athletes in the fields of basketball and football, which I
think, is good because the examples provided support for his main
idea. From what I have observed the sentences in the essay do not
flow logically. The writer didn’t use much transitional devices.
The writer also, in the body, has shifted away from the main topic
which is bayanihan, because he geared towards the certain topic which
is sports and he had given much details about it. Lastly, the
conclusion he made, for me was a bit unclear. But the conclusion
ended well with a tone of finality. However, the thesis statement was
not fully developed and interpreted in the essay. The writer at the
end showed formality because he stated the sources he used for his
written article.
Heroism
at Its Finest
First
and foremost, “Heroism at Its Finest” as an extended definition
essay for me, is poorly written. Despite the fact that the title was
good and can capture the attention of any reader, the whole essay was
presented unsuccessfully maybe because the writer’s ideas did not
flow logically. His organization of ideas was not well done. The
introduction was pleasant though. It is enough to keep the one whose
reading the essay interested at first. But I can’t decipher clearly
what the writer’s thesis statement really is. Nonetheless, the body
of the essay developed the ideas well and because he went beyond what
heroism truly is about. The content was informative enough, and
sufficient examples were given for support. But then again, the
arrangement and presentation of one idea to another was not well
made. Therefore the essay lacks fluidity and consistency all
throughout. The writer primarily had a deficiency in using
transitional devices. But despite of all these, I found no
grammatical errors in the essay and with regards to citation, the
writer showed his sources at the end which is important in writing.
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